Hello! How are you enjoying the phantasm?
I intend to write a different type of blog post today… I will provide an account of what has happened for me in the two hours I have been awake for so far. I am not usually up at 9.00am as I practice the “let my body sleep until it wakes itself up,” sort of thing. Which some people call laziness, they’re probably just jealous because they’ve chosen to work a job that they’ve chosen to dislike! But that’s their choice! Hah!
Lack Of Punctuality – My Trigger
So I woke up at about twenty to nine this morning because I had arranged with my good friend Rochelle (She’s a contributor and Facebook page moderator for The People Solution) that we would have a chat on-line. Upon waking up I knew that I would need to pop to a shop to get a few things for breakfast. I got up took a few moments and a few long, deep breaths to centre and collect myself then left for a short walk to the shop.
The small shop around the corner from my house was closed – most likely because I was there earlier than I had ever seen it open before – so I decided to walk up to the ‘front’ and look for what I wanted to buy there. (The front is a main road filled with shops of all descriptions which is about a 5 minute walk from my house.
I was glad of the walk. Being out in the morning air has always calmed my essence in a way that no other experience really has, apart from perhaps the air of the dead of night. The cool, calm breeze of either is something I welcome lovingly. There is a joke in my family that I am like an old man because I always am made much happier by a nice, cool breeze than I am by sunlight. This is a fact which is met with confusion by my family as they enjoy the sun and hold having a sun-tan in high regard. If I get a tan I go all orange and look like I’m a fan of profuse amounts of make-up, which I can assure you is not the case. Only a bit of blusher. I’m kidding, calm down.
As I walked around the empty streets with the cool breeze bringing with it the gift of calm, I felt myself really drop into my body for the first time in a while. During the Mercury Retrograde I spent quite a lot of time out-of-body and so was somewhat disassociated from the present moment for the majority of the time. Having the present moment come to me as it did earlier-on really was a pleasant present. (excuse the pun).
Once I had returned home and made my breakfast I set up my computer and awaited Rochelle. Rochelle is someone whom I admire greatly. She always puts a smile on my face and she has a knack for insight. There’s always something she will say to me that stops me in my tracks and puts me in a state of awe. We have spent hours upon hours discussing the nature of the universe before. Whenever we talk I always come away from the conversation in such a high vibration I’m ready to just soar among the stars again!
It came to about quarter past nine and I had no contact from Rochelle. I could already feel the fact that she had not contacted me fifteen minutes after we were supposed to speak starting to trigger me. I decided to wait for her for a bit, never judging her for being late. I understood that anything could have come up for her and it was most likely not intentional. When it came to twenty-five to ten I was honestly a bit peeved.
For me, punctuality and integrity are the two more important traits anyone can possess, and so I’m sure you can imagine why I was triggered by this experience. I send her a short message explaining that I was frustrated, that I had gotten up early to speak with her and detailing that it was important for me to have information and punctuality from those who agree to meet/speak with me. If someone is late, I am pretty much always triggered by this, but once they are there I find it difficult to hold a grudge.
I made it clear in this message to Rochelle that I was not angry at her and I respected the possibility that something may have happened which was preventing us from talking, or that perhaps she just didn’t want to talk to me now it had come to it. Both possibilities where something I had made my peace with. I am a strong believer in the idea that if someone doesn’t want to do something they shouldn’t have to give a reason for not wanting to do it. That said, I am also a strong believer in honesty. So my preferred course of action would always be just to inform whomever I am supposed to be speaking with that I don’t want to speak with them and that it’s nothing personal. Unless it is, then I leave that last part out.
I decided to delve into exactly why I was feeling this way. To understand this I used Teal Scott‘s “Finding The Suppressed Identity,” process. The first step is to make a list of all the judgements I make about people who lack punctuality and/or integrity. My list is as follows… People who lack punctuality and integrity are: sloppy, often late, disrespectful, a waste of my time, disorganised, wishy washy, ungrounded, dishonest and they would be constantly deferring to ‘external powers’.
I appreciate that a lot of that might seem quite harsh – the list was not intended as an attack on people who lack punctuality or integrity. Nor was it a way to label anybody as those things. This list is a list of judgements I make when somebody is dishonest or lacking in punctuality. It says more about me than it does about them.
The next step is to make a list of judgements that someone who possess the traits in the list above might make about me… They are: uptight, stressed-out, easily agitated, drowning in ‘male energy’, intense, low vibrational, intimidating, annoying, upsetting and an over-thinker.
The next step is to make a list of what the worse-case-scenario of the person in the first list might look like… They would be: rude, never on time, irresponsible, a deliberate time-waster, intentionally disorganised, someone who uses their lack of integrity as a way to punish others. What’s funny about this is that when I am faced with someone who possesses the traits in ‘list 1’, what I am really afraid of is ‘list 3’. My resistance and ego tries to protect me from my fear of the person in ‘list 3’ by providing thoughts which make it more attractive to me to be uptight and intense when it comes to those who I see as ‘lacking in integrity.’
The next phase is to make a list of the worse-possible-scenario of someone who possesses the traits of the person in ‘list 2.’ They would be: anxious, constantly stressed-out, paranoid, purely logical with no regard for feelings or emotions, bitchy, angry, intimidating, violent, destructive and intentionally cruel. This is what I am really scared of being when I look at the traits in ‘list 2.’
The penultimate sequence of this process is to identify how my life would improve and how I might benefit if I were to take a ‘homoeopathic dose’ of ‘list 1,’ and then to see which of these improvements and benefits appeal to me most. How my life would improve if I were to acutely embody the traits of ‘list 1’ would be that, I would be: less stressed overall, less worried about my own punctuality and integrity, less anxious, more secure in what is an adequate use of my time, more relaxed and less brutal with myself.
The elements of that list which most appeal to me are to be less stressed, anxious and worried while feeling more secure and confident. So to phrase that positively would be to say that the part of me that I suppress by over-thinking, being intense and stressed out and such, is… ‘The calm, relaxed, secure and confident one.”
So, how have I suppressed this part of myself?
- By worrying what others think of me.
- By other-thinking.
- By giving away my energy to anger and frustration.
- By acting in a way that creates insecurity – smoking, eating crap, not focusing on Heather as much as I’d really like to.
And so here is one way this week that I am going to commit to being the ‘calm, relaxed, secure and confident one,’
- Think less, feel more.
Why This Triggered Me
While I love my Mum to pieces, her time keeping as never been great. Growing up I learned to expect that she would be late and whomever I was with would always pick up on the fact that she was late and make some comment about it. At first it wouldn’t bother me, but in time I began to think about why this could be. Due to the fact that the other main influences in my life were always punctual – apart from my Dad’s ex (the destructive one that I spoke about briefly in a other posts) – I then began to associate the lateness of my Dad’s destructive ex to the lateness of my Mum. And so, over time it began to frustrate me more and more.
I have always been the optimist, always looking for the best in people. Because of my optimistic attitude it did take a while for the comments of others about my Mum’s lack of punctuality to really make an impression on me, but eventually it did. As I said earlier, once whoever it is that is late has arrived I’m not frustrated any more, I’m just glad they are there. This comes from wanting my Mum to be there and being fed up with other people’s negative comments and then once my Mum had arrived I was just glad to see her and happy to be away from the negative comments about her.
Once again, this is no comment on my Mum – being late is not a bad thing. Regardless of what being late is associated with in society, from universal perspective there is no such thing as good or bad. If my Mum being late was the only thing that happened in those instances there would likely be no issue today, or the issue would not be quite the same. As it happened though, of course, what occurred was that my Mum was late, whoever I was with would then begin making comments and after a short while I would begin to resent my Mum for providing the opportunity – by being late – for someone to make comments about her which would make me feel badly towards her. Ironic really – classic case of the serpent fancying a nibble of it’s own tail.
How Today’s Experience Panned Out
As it happened Rochelle had been in deep meditation which caused her to be late. It was not intentional and was very much nobodies fault – not that blaming or finding fault ever really helps at all! Rochelle being late provided me with the perfect opportunity to better understand this trigger of mine and use it to my advantage.
As well as thinking less and feeling more, what I’m now doing to use this integrity to my advantage is really getting clear on what I need to have done and following my heart when it comes to doing it, only doing what I feel inspired to do and prioritising feeling good over any other emotions! As well, in order to use my preference for honesty and punctuality over their opposites I have decided that from now on I shall create blocks of time in which I make plans, instead of scheduling exact times. This way there is no opportunity for anyone to be late. This is a game plan for harmony! Yay!
Words Of Wisdom
In our discussion Rochelle and I spoke about how it would be desirable to integrate any positive traits into our personality without the use of processes or similar things. It then became clear that while this is a possibility for some people, it is not for others. While for some people it is incredibly easy to transmute elements of themselves, for others doing so without working through each emotion with care and consideration would be nothing more than resistance.
For this reason, my advice to you today is to take some time to really appreciate the truth of the fact that “each person requires difference advice and a different practice.” Once we understand that this entire reality is subjective and that each experience is something entirely different for each person, we can see that what should always be done is what feels right for each individual person. And As Teal said, nobody knows what’s best for you other than you, everybody else just has their opinions.
You are the captain of the vehicle that is your body, and you are the sea upon which you voyage! You are the wind, the earth, the fire, the water and under and above all, you are the ether than knits this reality together. Trust in yourself and in your insight and you will be sailing into harmonious waters. Follow your bliss and let love be the path you walk and you will soon see that heaven is a state of mind.
I have learned a lot today in the three hours I have been awake. Yeah, I know when I started writing I said two, but I’ve been writing this for an hour now. (And I’ve just spend another hour re-reading it and making sense of my ramblings!) In writing this, however, I have learned twice as much as I had beforehand! I am grateful for the cool, calm breeze and the cold, invigorating breeze alike! I am grateful for Rochelle being the catalyst that she is. Yes, Rochelle, if you’re reading this, you’re fucking awesome! And if you’re not reading this, you’re still fucking awesome. I am grateful for my introspective attributes and I am grateful for my family. I am grateful for my experiences of the past, present and future and I am grateful for everyone who contributes to every day I experience.
I love you! Thank you for being here and for being you!
I’m off to meditate!
Namaste, every day!