In Waking Sight
In the light of my conversation with my friend Morgan on Friday evening I have been pondering what the meaning of an addictive relationship is. (You can see Morgan’s thoughts on the subject here) After some research on the subject I found that most modern relationship dynamics pretty much only allow an addictive relationship to manifest. Addictive relationships can be seen as love/hate relationships also. I have learned that if a relationship can be happy and fun in one minute and then turn into the opposite in the next, then it is a love/hate relationship. Love/hate relationships are not based on true love, but the giving and taking of energy. When this is the case there’s always going to be an issue when one person doesn’t want to give their energy.
The Independence-Oneness Contradiction Within Modern Relationships
I feel like it’s important to make the following point here… Of course whomever we are in a relationship with is a manifestation that we have attracted into our reality. As we are all one everybody, we experience the partner we attracted is the result of our vibration. If we are dependant on our lover, we are only dependant on our own creation. The truth is, though, that this universe is interwoven and interconnected on every level, so many of which are invisible to the human eye, so we are never really independent.
If we are not vibrating at the frequency of love we will not attract love. We will always attract what we are in alignment with. It’s that old chestnut of, “I’ll be happy when I have what I want,” when the truth is, “When I am happy, I will have what I want.” If we are vibrating at a frequency of basking in loving energy – loving energy which we are a match to because we have opened ourselves to feel the love within us, and not that of the apparent external, then we can truly be *in* love.
When love is a feeling space, and is not being mistaken for an addictive and reciprocal action or activity, we can truly be *in* love. When we are walking in the forest of love, instead of looking for love in a forest, we are living in sunlight. Pure en*light*ening energy. Before we can truly bask in the light of the love we create, we must first learn to be present and see the truth, the beauty and the oneness that is already there.
Addiction To Enlightenment
“The light of the wise man is true.” – I Ching, Transition (64)
Any addiction is much like that of an addictive relationship. I’ve seen parallels between my current relationship with Heather and my past addiction to smoking cannabis. There is a dependency, the feeling that life would be unimaginably, and unpleasantly different without it or them. Happiness ends up being based on certainty when there is uncertainty most predominantly – ‘Will I get what I need..?’ With weed it was, ‘Will I get the money to buy more before I run out?’, or ‘Will my dealer have any?’ With my relationship it has been, ‘Will I get the response I want to what I’m about to say?’, ‘Will she support this decision?’
It’s not the case that we are not supportive of each other with our actions, but it is difficult to approve of something that you think is a poor choice of action. This is where the uncertainty comes in. Not only do I see parallels within the feelings I have prior to anxiety based on dependency and uncertainty, but the nature of the anxiety is much the same too – it’s destructive, egocentric and pretty much always irrational. So, the big question for me recently has been ‘What am I really afraid of?’
The answer to this question, in most love/hate relationships, is always something to do with the ego and possession. Now that I have come to understand this, the destructive patterns and cycles have been unveiled and the light of clarity has illuminated what was previous hidden. Now I can see the real problems for what they are. Like with my addiction to cannabis being based on the covering up of and distraction from pain. This relationship, like most others, is based on a negative intention. Most relationships these days are the result of loneliness being used as a motivation to find someone, anyone, to keep us company. A lot of relationships are also based on the desires given rise to by the negative experiences have had in the past. This is the case for me.
The mistake I made is that I used my negative experience to directly influence my desire for the dynamic of future relationships. I didn’t allow myself to flow through the natural process of healing which would bring my desires to a more constructive place. The issue I had then was that I came into a relationship with destructive desires and discovered that I’ve found the perfect balance for my energy in Heather. I found that our tendencies when it comes to solving problems are very similar. Overall, it became apparent to me that we complimented each other so much that to leave her would feel like a crime.
This is why it has been difficult for us to move out of the love/hate relationship before now, we both entered the relationship from previous destructive relationships and transferred the pain from our previous encounters on to each other. The truth though, when it boils down, is that what’s left is that we are focused on the past or the future most often. We are thinking about past pain and trauma or we are thinking about what the future will be like and so on and so forth. We have very rarely been focused on the present moment. I mean sure we are both fairly good at present moment focus and alertness, but when it came to each other and our relationship, the relationship itself became a ‘given’.
It think it’s a trap that a lot of people in relationships fall into – that we get so comfortable around our partner than there is no real focus on the other. I mean, if you’re in a long-term relationship, ask yourself this… When was the last time you really stared into the eyes of him/her when they were talking? When was the last time you really observed the contours of their skin? When did you last really allow yourself to be enveloped by the subtle layers of their voice? When was the last time to touched their skin and really, I mean really, felt the textures?
These are the sorts of things which are missing from most modern relationships and this is why we end up fat, miserable and hostile towards each other. This is how a relationship where love is the dominant vibration becomes an arrangement where service, affection and energy is transferred only enough to keep the other satisfied to the point where they won’t think too much about finding something better. This sort of arrangement is one of the main reasons people get seriously ill.
Absence Of Mind To Presence Of Being
The answer to this problem seems, to me, as though it’s pretty much what Eckhart Tolle has taught about so much. To be really, truly present in the moment as you experience your lover and experience life with your lover. If we can be present and aware of the the experience we are having, not only does life become more lucid, but it becomes more vivid. If we are in the moment, not of it… If we are in love, not of it… We will quickly begin to notice things change.
If we feel the textures and complexity of life we will notice the depth of it’s expression. If we allow ourselves to indulge in the experience of the words of another, lover or not, we will know their essence on a level deeper than we ever knew was possible. If we are in our body and not of it we will see that we are not just our body, but that our body is a projection of our true essence. And that true essence is an extension of the energy which has manifest the body of your lover and that of all the others on this world. And if we trace the route this essence has taken into creation, we will find we are all one.
“Everything that vibrates is an illusion.” Oneness is the absolute truth of the universe, when we are within the present moment, fully and entirely experiencing it, this becomes unavoidably evident. When we are within the feeling of love, fully and entirely experiencing it within ourselves instead of looking for it outside of ourselves, we will see that love is really all there is, as love is oneness.
Heather and I are being entirely present with the other when we are around each other now. We are beginning to once again bask in the energy and presence of the other – but this time like never before. I will report the long term results, but so far, it’s amazing.
Thanks for reading and being present with me here.
I love you.
You are amazing.
Namaste, is the way.
Andey out xxx