This post is a follow up from a previous post called “Stepping Into An Enlightened Relationship”, I’d recommend reading it before this one.


“The transition from confusion to order is complete, everything is in it’s proper place. The condition is favourable, yet it gives reason for thought, for it is just when perfect equilibrium has been reached that any movement may cause disorder to return.” – Order (63), I Ching.

What I have noticed since writing my last post is that while enlightened relationships are certainly more favourable and desirable, they take considerably more focus and effort to maintain. While a regular addictive love/hate relationship can effectively maintain itself due to it’s addictive nature, an enlightened relationship takes time, focus and dedication to cultivate. An enlightened relationship takes a hell of a lot of focus and presence with or without your lover present in order for it to provide you with tangible fruit.

Think of it like a garden. In this garden there are all sorts of things growing but the aim of this garden, as with most, is to have it looking beautiful and bearing fruit. Each plant in this garden, whatever sort of plant it is, is a relationship you have with someone, something or some state of mind. Each weed is an addiction you might have to a certain person, activity, substance or a particular pattern of thought.

You don’t need to prune, water or care much for a weed and it will still grow. And if you don’t notice it, understand why it’s there and replace it with a more desirable seed, then before too long it will blossom and procreate. A weed, or an addictive relationship, will spread into other parts of your garden if it is not understood. If that patch of soil is not transformed into something more desirable before long it may be beyond hope without a considerable amount of upheaval, effort and change. Once a single weed has grown, the probability or likelihood of others growing is increased. This is due to the law of attraction, or in terms of the garden the sowing of it’s own seeds.

Once we have become accustomed to living life with an addiction it is hard to imagine life without it. I know this from my previous addiction to cannabis. The idea of life without the focus of our addiction is bleak and uncomfortable when we even entertain the notion for even a short time.

love-or-above-raise-your-vibration1The plants we want to cultivate are the ones which provide fruit – the fruit, in this sense, is a sustainable feeling of happiness and love. In order to do this we must step into love as a state of being. Imagine love as a translucent cloud, pastel green and pastel pink in colour. When we are “in love” – in terms of holding the feeling, or vibration, of love within us and allowing it to radiate from our being – then we are within this vibration and only positivity can come from this. When we are loving somebody we are giving almost the entirety of our focus, attention, energy away to them and so, naturally there is little left for us.

When I say this I mean to say the value is to be in a feeling of love… Not love for someone, but love regardless of circumstance. What I mean by this is to fall in love with the present moment. This is what I was speaking about before when I said about walking in the forest of love instead of walking in a forest looking for love. If we cultivate a deep appreciation and gratitude for the present moment, then any and all who share the moment with us are ‘in love’. Whoever we are around then, is inconsequential. From this place, the people we are around share in the moment with us and all contribute to make it what it is to be.

When we understand that there is no right and wrong, and no good or bad – but instead that there are just events transpiring – then we can understand that every moment is infinitely and unconditionally beautiful. It is down to us then to appreciate what we find in each moment. It’s been said recently by many of the newly emerging spirituality advocates – including Russell Brand – that the information decoded by our limited sensory perception is ultimately redundant as it is only a small sliver of the infinitely massive universe consisting of unimaginable beauty and wonder. While for the most part I agree and understand that such a notion is beneficial for those who believe that the physical world is all there is and so is all they have, for those of us who are not at that stage, I would not be so quick to discount the value of our sensory perception.

The information that we decode from this elaborate phantasm that we call “reality” is a valuable part of our experience here. What we experience through our senses is yet another part of life which is subject to our state of mind. In fact, our senses are what provide us with physical fruit of what we are/were looking for or focusing on. If we didn’t have any senses at all, we would effectively not even be in the physical dimension!

Due to the fact that most humans are, generally speaking, limited to this small range of perception when it comes to our senses – we can only smell things which emit a smell within a certain frequency range, we can only see things which exist within a certain frequency range, so on and so forth – my next thought would be to cherish what we do experience or sense and seek the beauty in that moment. This is not to ignore what makes us feel bad as that is a valuable tool too, but to really indulge in the more beautiful experiences we have and seek as much wonder, awe, beauty and experiences to be appreciative of in all that we do.

To base a relationship on what we are currently experiencing and the way that we see or feel things in that moment is to plant a healthy, organic seed which will provide only the most succulent fruit – this is to say that to base a relationship on the past or the future is to allow a weed to grow in your garden. When are in the ‘love cloud’, or the vibration of love we are already fulfilled, content, happy and loving – any additional circumstance which is added to the equation will just contribute further to that feeling. For example, if you are having a bad day, anything that happens could make it worse, and anything that makes you feel worse has 10 times for of an impact on you. If you’re having a good day, nothing really bothers you, and anything that does get to you doesn’t really affect your overall level of happiness too much.

This is why I say that if we cultivate love within us first and foremost and begin to appreciate, show gratitude for and ultimately love everything that is possible to love, then anyone who joins our experience will be one more thing to love. This is possible because we cultivate the feeling unconditionally – by which I mean, the feeling is not based on external circumstance or criteria being met – and anyone who joins us will just be walking into our cloud of love. If two lovers in a relationship choose to do this for themselves, then the love they feel when around each other is multiplied exponentially! That, my friends, in an enlightened relationship.

In Conclusion

It’s not just about being present with your partner, though that is a big part of it. The truth of an enlightened relationship is that the relationship is not between you and some seemingly external entity, instead it is an enlightened relationship with yourself. When you can be good enough to yourself to allow yourself to focus positively on as much as you can and seek the infinitely abundant love available within yourself, that is when the enlightened relationship becomes one which is mirrored onto the world “outside.”

Anybody who joins you in the present moment – that is to say anyone who is around you, ever – will exaggerate the way you feel about it. If you find appreciation and gratitude for the present moment, then anybody you attract into your experience will be worth appreciating and showing gratitude to. It will also be 10 times easier to find these opportunities to be appreciative and grateful when in this state.

Love the present moment and you are in love. When two people who choose to be ‘lovers’ do this, they cultivate an enlightened relationship with the sweetest of fruits.

You’re amazing, keep it up!

Namaste, live, love and play!

Andey out! xxx

I’ve shared this before, but it’s so fitting for this, so here you go!