Okay, so now is as good of a time as any to write a blog.
I’ve noticed recently that it’s really, really easy to manage your vibrational state and remain positive when you’re in a stable, secure relationship and your focus and worries are limited to what goes on within your monogamous relationship, within your home, with your family and within your own body. When you’re in a monogamous relationship like I was, life is relatively easy in comparison to what’s been going on for me recently. Let me give you a brief overview without divulging the personal secrets of my loved ones to you and breaching their privacy…
My ex is now seeing someone else. I’m glad she’s moving on, but naturally that’s a tricky thing to deal with. Society would have you believe that I should not feel bad about it, because I ‘moved on’ first. But as I have said many times recently: Emotions know no logic. We feel how we feel and that is result of our focus and thought-patterns.
It would seem that my most dominant vibration at the moment is one of abandonment, or fear thereof. As such, I have had a series of occurrences which have rendered me vulnerable, weak and emotionally exposed. Then, today, things have begun to look up again. So let’s summarise… My ex is seeing someone else, the person I am seeing has feelings for someone else too, I have come down with an awful flu/tonsillitis-sort-of-thing this weekend and while I’ve been ill… my ex, who I’m still living with for the next week or so, has been out with the guy she’s seeing. Of course, I understand that’s a good thing, but what I really want right now, emotionally, is someone to look after me.
This is all funny, because what it comes down to, once again, is my childhood trauma and my relationship with my parents. In feeling ill like this, I feel vulnerable. In having nobody around to help me get things done like; cook dinner, get water and so on, I feel abandoned. And my because of my resistance to actually having someone around to help me (Belief: “I’m a burden”), the potential of having nobody around has been made even more likely to manifest.
Although nobody is around physically, I have great friends who I can talk to over the internet. One of them is a fellow YouTuber and part of a closely knit ‘soul-family’ which I am starting to see that I may be part of. She helped me tremendously. She told me that I’ve been avoiding my feelings and that was why I was ill and then she helped by guiding me through some of my more painful childhood memories. Doing this helped me to cultivate a sense of empowerment in relation to them. My abandonment issues have subsided somewhat now as I have done this visualisation a few times. If I continue to do it everyday I will be sorted in that department, I feel. Or at least, until the next layer!
After doing the visualisation I was able to speak with the person I’m seeing – who is absolutely wonderful by the way – and we were able to talk it over and get to the bottom of it. All is well now for us and it’s clear skies and smooth sailing from here. For those of you who are thinking, “you’ve just got out of a relationship, what’re you doing diving into another one so soon!” I’m not. I’m feeling, and that’s great!
Within many friendships I have built recently, I have laid down a ‘spiritual foundation’ of sorts wherein we agree that whatever happens, we will always remember two things. 1. That we are on the same team. 2. That we have agreed to be part of each others life in order to aid each others expansion and so naturally there will be times where we really piss each other off – in these times, it’s important to remember #1.
I feel as though this sort of foundation to friendships is a very constructive way to work with the positive intention behind mine (and others’) abandonment issues. It’s a gentle way to work with it and it allows any and all issues to be worked out in a way that doesn’t cause the suffering of the loss of a friendship. Of course, from time to time it’s only natural that friendships will end and this agreement will be broken, and in those instances the suffering of the loss of a friendship will be inevitable. By such a time, I would hope that my abandonment issues have been worked with to the point where I can easy handle this suffering and transmute it.
So, in the last couple of days I have experienced and learned many things… I have been taken ill for the first time in years with something that commits me – short-term – to a bed-ridden life; I have learned about my abandonment issues, dealt with two different sorts of pain relative to them and visualised burning down a childhood home of mine – a home which resembles so much suffering and pain for me; I have learned how different you can feel just by consciously altering your vibration; I have begun to draw psychedelic pictures once again; I have made new friends and purified and solidified relationships with others; and – while in a trance-like state – I met with and communicated with my guides in a way that I have never done before.
All-in-all, these past few days have been incredibly enlightening and have spawned a great transformation within me. I have learned so much and I am, once again, ready to love fully. I am ready to love without restriction, limitation, procrastination or exhaustion. I am made of love, you need to know that. And I am bursting at the seems.
What time is it?!
I love you.
Live, love and play!