Sunday – Early Afternoon
Today – in about half an hour – I’m leaving my flat and travelling with all my belongings in tow to my mothers. I am sad to be leaving here and I’m sad to be leaving my ex behind but life is flowing – life is change – and to resist the flow of life is the largest form of resistance. Over the past week or two, I’ve been high and low; angry, frustrated, annoyed, pissed off and just about any other word that describes that; Periodically however, I’ve been ecstatic, elated, euphoric even… It’s been a roller-coaster. What is amazing, for me, is that I am able to leave in (less than) half an hour with a feeling of direction, excitement and inspiration for what lies ahead.
Today I go to my Mum’s to see my three of my sisters, my little brother, my step-dad, their silly, yet wonderful little dog Tess and Barty, the hamster who was previous mine and my ex’s. I love all of them so much and I am quite glad to be able to spend the next week in their home, absorbing them all of them the fullest extent. The oldest of my younger sisters is going to visit her friend on the coast for some of the week, so I will be getting her bedroom for a large chunk of the week. I’m glad about this because personal space is a must for me.
After this week at my Mum’s, I’ll be shipping out to Somerset for a couple of weeks. I use the term “shipping out” literally. As many of you may have heard, the people of Somerset are experiencing a ridiculous amount of rain at the moment. My Dad, however, assures me that his “pocket of Somerset” is dry and safe.
Anyway, I need to do a final sweep of the flat now to make sure I’ve not left too much behind. I intend to finish this blog post later on with the details of the rest of my day and how I feel once the dust has begun to settle a bit.
Sunday – Evening
I’m sitting here in my Mum’s kitchen having just eaten dinner with my Mum, Step-Dad and little brother. And as I sit here at the breakfast bar thinking over the last week or so, I start to feel a little sad. And as I think back over the past 5 years, I feel sadder still. It’s been a good run and we had a fantastic time of it, but now it’s time to move on to bigger and better things. I’m sitting here with the vague drone of a sports match of some description playing on the TV in the living room as I sip on some cold water. I’m enjoying where I am in this moment and I am adjusting to this new way of life. I can feel that it I am going to grow so much over the coming months. I can feel already how I am growing right now.
And while all of this has been happening over the past five years; over the past two weeks; over the day, today… I have come to this point, right here, right now. And sitting here, is the accumulation of my entire life’s events, is the collaboration of all the energies which make me who I am, is the conglomeration of all that is manifesting itself, right now, right here, as me… And I’m becoming intensely aware of that fact… It has hit me… I am now free. I am free to the open road. I am free to just be who I am. I am free to be what I want. I am free to do what I want. I am free to go where I want. I. Am. Free.
It has become boldly obvious to me in this second that I am now exactly where I wanted to be for so long. I have no commitments, no obligations, no red tape, no “should” or “shouldn’t”, no little horned-bill named Zazu telling me how to be a king. I am me, in my infinite uniqueness. I am here, ready for life. What is scaring me a bit – and what is also spurring me on – is that I am actually fucking doing it. I am actually starting to live the life I have always wanted to live. I am right here at the literal – well figurative – “first-leg” of my year’s adventure.
Not only am I very excited, I’m also shitting it a fair bit too. I have some plans. I have plans to stay here for a week. I have plans to visit my Dad for 2/3 weeks. I have plans to go to Southampton and visit an incredibly close friend of mine. I also have vague plans to take the aforementioned friend to Newcastle to run a workshop. Other than that, I’m wide open. Virtually plan-less!
I have some clothes, my phone, my laptop, a hell of a lot of creativity, limitless spiritual insight and the will to see as much as I can, the desire to bring people together, a yearning for learning and a passion for adventure. I have all of that bound with a vision, a mission if you will. A vision to see the world in a connected state of harmony – a state of understanding and compassion. Many share my vision and many will join me on my path.
This first few months is about finding myself in the adventure of it all. This first few months is about gaining my confidence as an explorer, traveller and adventurer. It’s all about finding my footing and getting clear on how is best to be in doing this. I feel confident, self-assured, slightly bewildered, fascinated and really, ridiculously excited to start seeing the country through the eyes of a spiritual vagabond.
Once again, if you wish to join me… Please get in contact, it would be a pleasure to get to know you.
I love you!
Live, love and play!