Tuesday 15th – Mid-Morning
As the intensity of the blood moon beckons, I want to share with you an overview of my experience of emotional intensity from the past few months.
So here’s a little disclaimer. Usually when I make plans, they change. Quickly. So from now on, I may not write about my plans on here. Which, in and of itself, is a plan… So we’ll just see how things pan out and go with the flow. Like water.
The way that I’m living at the moment, having no strings or red-tape, no attachments or obligations other than to my own survival and to those I love, is quite an intense way of living. In looking at how I used to live and how many other people live now, there’s a lot of contrast between those ways of living and my current way of living now. There is nothing wrong with either way of being.
When we’re living in any way which is out of alignment, we generally plateau at about ‘sort of fine’. We peak when we occasionally have a good day or when we buy something new. And then we plateau again at ‘sort of fine’. At the moment, the way I’m living in so intense because I don’t have all of this, all of these worries and obligations, all of these things which would restrict or limit my happiness. Of course, these things don’t have to restrict or limit my happiness, it’s just down to the way we look at it. The way I was living before, it did. Not because of the money, the bills and all the ‘responsibility’, that didn’t limit my happiness. That was just part of being the way that we were – part of living in that way. Which is nice, actually. On a fundamental, basic level it’s quite nice.
What did stress me out was the obligation to… be a certain way. That’s what it was, what stressed me out before was the pressure from others to be a certain way. And, at the moment, I’ve no obligation to be any way. I just… am myself. And the way I live is determined by how I feel. It’s freeing. It also means this the way I’m feeling will attract people who resonate with that. And so, I know if my vibration isn’t at it’s highest possible state because I’ll begin to attract people who are cruel or mean, or I’ll manifest a bad day. In these situations, I’m thinking “what’s going on with me now then? I’ve attracted a massive cunt.”
The reason I say that my life is intense at the moment is because when I feel good I feel really good. And when I feel low, I feel really low. And neither really lasts for any length of time because the change of life is constant. The change, the movement, the flow. It’s such a fast pace, relative to how it would be if I had more things providing me with resistance.
At the moment, my intense emotions have changed somewhat. When I was in Southampton and in London, I would get bursts of “how cool is this?! Look at us! We didn’t know each other before, and here we are doing life!” This was the same when I met my love for the first time, it was like “Look at this! This is amazing, isn’t it?!” It was the same when I was spending time with Chani and all the amazing people in her home. It was the same in London, with like 200-odd people who I’ve seen the faces of on the internet. That’s an intense experience, to see and hear from all these people on the internet and then to suddenly be in the same room as them and be hugging them and chatting to them. It’s cool. It’s intense.
And then, I’ve come back to my Mum’s. The intensity is still here, but it’s coming in a different way now. It’s not necessarily a buzz of ‘new’. I knew I was coming back here and I’ve been really looking forward to it. I was looking forward to coming back here, and it’s not a down-mark on the people I was with before because I love being around new people, I love being with new people. But, I was really looking forward to coming back to familiarity a bit. And for the last few months, it’d been all new. And now, to come back here and to be with all of my family in a house I know, to have my love here and her son ( and as I have now risen to the Step-Dad role, we are beginning to refer to him as ‘our son’). It’s so familiar, so normal. So… obvious. It’s like “Of course, obviously. Well, yeah.”
I keep getting different bursts of energy now, it’s more “Oh wow.” Just being here is intense in it’s own way. My life will continue on this upward spiral and I will grow and flourish in every way, and you can too.
I love you.
Live, love and play!