I wanted to share a word on dependency with you. Dependency is a controversial subject within most communities that are of a more spiritual persuasion. There’s one side of the coin which is very much ‘Look after yourself. If you need others to feel happy then you’re not truly happy.’ Then the other side of the coin is, ‘We are all one, it’s okay to depend because you’re just depending on yourself.’ My stance is one of balance here. It seems to be the case with most things that a ‘happy medium’ is always the most beneficial way to go about being.
Relative to dependency, I’ve noticed that we tend to feel most devastated when we depend on somebody for something which we haven’t found a way of providing ourselves with first. For example, when we look to others for love and then it’s not returned or taken away, we feel empty and miserable. This is because we haven’t cultivated self-love to the degree of happiness in and of ourselves quite yet. It’s always a possibility for us to do this though. And once we have the vibration of what we want within us, it begins to manifest with-out us.
In truth, the external world that we call ‘life’ is nothing more than a mirror of what exists within our consciousness. This idea that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively entertains a foundation for this concept. And so, if we’re all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively then what we experience, while we are incarnated in a seemingly separate and individual perspective, is really is a mirror of this consciousness. An extension of it, if you will.
When asked how we feel about something, the asker is really concerned with a better understanding of how he or she feels. We gather this understanding from alternative and expansive signals from what we call the ‘external world’ the external world only seems to be external because we perceive it to be separate from us. And we can thank the ego for that illusion. Which, let’s be honest with ourselves for a moment here, is a really useful illusion to have. Just imagine if we were all born knowing for a fact, without a shadow of a doubt, that we are everything we experience. Imagine if we were all born knowing, no question, that we are each other, the trees, the grass, the earth itself, the water, the furniture, the electronic devices so on… If we were born with that sort of knowing, the world would be a very different place. If that was the case, Earth wouldn’t be quite the desirable playground for expansion that it is! So for this reason, the ego is a valuable tool.
I’d like to share a few notions that have been floating around my inner-space for a few days and a final thought on dependency.
- A very special child in my life has now, at the age of two, only just begun to develop his sense of self. He has only now begun to grasp the concept that ‘I’ is different from ‘you’ and when I say ‘you’ I mean your ‘I’ and so on. Which in fairness, is a tricky task. This kid is so spiritually in touch and so intensely loving by the way, it’s insane. Just being around him is like sitting being washed with waves of white light. It’s intense. And there’s something so beautifully magical and also poetic about the fact that this two year old kid is only now, after experiencing two years of life, developing his sense of self. It’s heart-warming.
- The word ‘Individuality’ says to me… “In dividing duality we have…” So when we say “Individuality means that I am me.” We are saying, “In dividing duality, I am me.” Just think about this… After the initial duality was created, the illusion of ego was invoked. Thus providing consciousness with the ability to differentiate between “I” and the “other.” The only reason so many of us have an issue with ego these days is because on a large scale people got convinced by the illusion. Think about optical illusions… You know they’re not real, but they still amaze you. On some level you’re drawn into them, you invest a certain amount of energy in them. But you don’t go about believing them to be real. If we find that balance with the ego, then we have found the ‘happy medium.’
- Relative to dependency, if we are able to give what we need to ourselves in some way then we are going to find balance and happiness. Remembering that we are all one is important in this, because sometimes it’s beneficial for us to manifest somebody else to help us with experiencing a certain feeling. When we become attached to that person and their ability to fulfil a need that we have chosen not to fulfil within our individuality and that person was to leave, we would feel pain. So the balance would be to practice being like water and freely allowing people to come and go without getting to attached. Dependency is healthy, attachment of meaning creates suffering.
Nobody in this physical world is truly independent. Just think now about the food we eat, the clothes we wear, the houses we live in, the technology we use so on and so forth. All of those were crafted by other people. And that’s okay. Just because we don’t understand the way that a phone works, doesn’t mean we “shouldn’t” use it for fear of being dependent on something. Though, as I say, if we wish to avoid suffering, attachment to said phone would be inadvisable.
Think about how water flows, clinging to nothing, freely moving downstream, on the path of least resistance. Water relies on only that which is consistent for it’s continued existence. The earth and itself. If we can embody this and rely on what is a constant within the human experience then we will rarely feel that loss of what we have attached to. What is constant within the human experience is the vibration of love. In fact, it’s said that love is the only constant and that once we feel love, it never really leaves us. And so when we experience pain as a result of love, all that we’re experiencing is negative meaning which has been attached to thoughts relative to an ex-lover or whoever. Those negative emotions piled on top of love give us resistant thoughts, these resistant thoughts lead us to feel like we don’t love that person any more. Clear away the smog and you’ll see that love is still there, even if we don’t want to let ourselves feel it. Love is always there because love is a constant.
If we allow ourselves to feel love for ourselves and others as much as possible then we will find that being like water is effortless.
I love you.
Love, love and play!