I’ll be honest with you. The last few weeks have been rough. I’ve been up, down and quite frankly all over the figurative emotional shop. I’ve been chewed up and spat out by my own warped perception and lost in the manifestations of my subconscious for a bit! So today, I’ll share with you what I learned from doing some shadow work with a good friend yesterday, and what’s next for me. Today’s rather introspective blog post commences… NOW!

If light is admitted into a cave where darkness has existed for thousands of years, darkness will vanish instantly.

Shadow work is all about shining light into the darkness of the subconscious..
Shadow work is all about shining light into the darkness of the subconscious..

After a conversation I had with my recent ex, I was feeling as though my feelings we’re considered. That really frustrated me. I do usually get frustrated when I feel that way. So, in talking to my friend, Steffi, shadow work transpired. I began with the state “inconsiderateness.” I can’t stand inconsiderateness because it upsets people, I hate people being sad and – let’s be honest here – when somebody doesn’t consider other people’s feelings, it’s just rude! Steffi piped up with a fantastic question then… “When somebody is rude to you, how does it feel?” I said it felt like I was being attacked energetically. I said I feel my body go tense and I feel violated.

Once we hit “I feel violated,” *that’s* when it got interesting… I came to core beliefs like “I am nothing,” “I am insignificant,” “I’m useless,” “I’m a waste of space.” Now, these are beliefs that I (evidently) hold anyway. But when somebody is rude or inconsiderate of my feelings, I feel insignificant, useless, like a waste of space and like I’m nothing. Which makes a lot of sense as to why I hate it when people are aggressive towards me, because to me aggression equals rudeness.

So then… we came to, “How do I make myself a waste of space?” Here’s what we found… Because of the belief that I am a waste of space, my subconscious mind has caused me to do the following… Not earn much money, rely on others a lot, never finish school or college and never get a ‘proper job’ (but to be honest, getting a ‘proper job’ looks fuckin’ miserable to me. So there’s a reason that my conscious mind isn’t interested in having one either hahah). Oh and also, I have no home.
It became clear very quickly at this point that what I was seeking in my previous relationship wasn’t love at all… But to feel validated… To feel approved of. How did we come to this? Steffi, quite brilliantly, pointed out that feeling useless is a fear based belief relative to my value to others. And why do I want to be of value to others? Because at various times in my life, ‘little Andey’ was made to feel useless, unvaluable, insignificant and like a ‘waste of space’. One minor example – omitting the more painful ones for now – was that my P.E teacher would frequently give me a hard time at school because I hated his lessons (he was an outright cunt – and I have no shame in using that word!) and he would call me a ‘waste of space’.
What this shows me is that one of my biggest subconscious desires in this lifetime is for approval. This is why I tend to come running back to those who treat me like shit as though I’m a puppy dog, all loving at that. Truth is, I need their approval. All the time. Which is perfect for a psychic vampire who is able to lure you in with sexual energy, give you just enough approval to keep you around their finger and then tread you down in other ways to make you feel like shit. That’s essentially what happened in my most recent relationship. And I didn’t really see that until I did this shadow work with Steffi yesterday.
The turnaround for the belief “I’m a waste of space,” is “I am valuable to those around me.” What’s the point of a turnaround? It’s basically freeing the vibration from an energetic cage that our fear has put it in. So for example, if we are worrying about something to exalt that vibration, we’d focus on safety, security and comfort. It’s the same vibration ultimately whether we’re thinking about worrying, not worrying, worrying about worrying or worrying about others worrying. The vibration is still “worry”. So when we shift our perception on the root of that worry (which may be a need for comfort and peace of mind) then we free ourselves from the energetic, emotional cage we have trapped this vibration in – and ourselves in with it.
So! How am I valuable to those around me?
  • I have been making dinner for my sister and Mum and contributing financially for household items while I’ve been staying here.
  • I always take time to offer sound advice to those in need.
  • I am building momentum on my work now.
  • I make others laugh.
  • I occupy physical space, as such I have the right to be here, like everyone else.
  • I am an aspect of Source and thus have as much right to be here as everybody else.
  • I saved my Dad’s life – when I was young and he was overweight, angry, in a job he hated and in a relationship that was killing him, he looked at me and thought “What do I want my little boy to see in 20 years when he looks at me?” Then he changed his life.

The next step then was to determine the things I would commit to doing daily which remind me that I am in fact valuable to others. What I came up with was…

  • Continue contributing around the house while I’m here and wherever I go.
  • Continue to make food for others.
  • Offer accurate and sound advice when necessary.
  • Be there for others if I’m needed.
  • Take a chance to make someone laugh. (Sometimes I bottle it and regret missing the change to make someone laugh – now I’ll just go for it)
  • Continue my work on my project, continue to build it’s momentum and carry on creating and gathering content for my blogs, videos and podcast for my monthly newsletter.

It’s amazing what a shift of focus can do for you though… Somebody said to me earlier “You’re an awesome man who deserves a Queen.” And now I actually believe it. I value myself enough now to believe it.

I do have to say how brilliant Steffi was in helping me with this. So, little shout out to her. You’re amazing Steffi, thank you! So grateful for you! Can’t wait to see you again! LET’SMAKETHATSOON!

So what’s next for me?

I know I said I wouldn’t write about my plans on here any more ’cause as soon as I write them, they change. But yeah… Just don’t expect things to pan out exactly like this, hahah. This is my plan as it stands right now… Short term, I’m got a camping trip I’m organising for next weekend. That will be awesome and it’s gonna be great to have so many great people in one place again! It’ll only be a small group, but the energy will be bliss. I’m also gonna go to Southampton again soon I think. I’m also working on a monthly podcast, regular animated videos for ‘Through Spiritual Eyes: The Animated Series’, and of course I’ll continue to blog on here regularly.

Long term, I’ve set my intention for a new partner. I’ve set my intention for an intentional community to be built around my vision. And I’ve set the intention to gain 2 new clients every month until I only have to coach in order to make more than enough money to live on in my own home.

Those are my plans. The intention is set. The trajectory is marked. The pistols are loaded, cocked and ready. So anchors awaaaaaaay!

 

I love you!

You’re amazing!

Namaste!

Live, love and play!

~A~

shadows_007

Advertisements