It seems my life is keen to guide me towards a deeper understanding of self-sacrifice and second bests. Those of you that follow me on Facebook will have seen the post I put out yesterday regarding settling for second best. Something which I vowed to myself a while back was to no longer settle for second best. If I’m not happy I either change the situation or leave it. If I’m feeling like whatever environment I’m in is ‘good enough’ as opposed to “fucking amazing!” then that’s an indication that I have settled for less than I am capable of manifesting and I then learn from where I am and use this to build my life into being exactly what I want it to be. Of course, we know that desires are fleeting and that they morph with every passing second and every new whim. As such, for all of us, our life is a constant process of tweaking things and transmuting the shit. It’s a blessing that I’m a highly creative, highly intelligent perfectionist! (Modesty is overrated)
As someone who loves things to be at their most harmonious, the consistent tweaking of the active components of my life is something that I enjoy. Why? Because if I’m improving my life then I’m making my surroundings more pleasurable for my senses. What’s the benefit of this? Conditional happiness is easier to attain and thus this conditional happiness contributes to my unconditional happiness – it sort of stacks on top – and this has the knock-on effect and benefit of health and a longer life.
It’s evident that the constant tweaking of one’s life with the aim of reaching an ever-receding “end-state” is a process which could cause suffering for those who operate within the illusion that it is possible for any form of “end-state” to be reached. (Life is change and for change to cease transpiring, life must cease to transpire) For those content in the thrill of the chase, this is a largely pleasing game. Regardless of this tweaking process, it’s natural that we come upon hurdles. These hurdles have manifested for me lately as lessons centred around self-sacrifice. Of course, my drive to always have things at their most harmonious causes me to never want to settle for second best, but sometimes I am faced with experiences which make me wonder… “What is self-sacrifice?” “What is second best?”
To me, self-sacrifice is the act of doing something which is detrimental to oneself but to the benefit of another. Usually, when faced with a tricky decision, I’ll ask myself “What is the most self-loving choice I can make here?” I have stepped up from this now, I have stepped up into the reduction of suffering. Instead of the previous question, my new focus is, “How can I serve here?” Taking into account the obvious in that I – me, myself, Andey – am part of the whole and if I am to reduce suffering ‘externally’ while increasing the suffering of ‘Andey’ to a degree which outweighs the initial suffering of the beneficiary in the process… Then my attempt to reduce suffering is ultimately a futile effort because the overall level of suffering – experienced by all those present or involved – would not have changed or would have increased.
But what happens when you do something out of good will and kindness and nothing good comes of it? What happens when an innocent mistake and/or lack of consideration causes you suffering after you have acted from kindness alone? Let me give you a personal example…
Last night, my step-dad was out drinking with friends and he didn’t have his house key with him. As I’m staying at my Mum’s and am sleeping downstairs most nights, I offered to be the one to unlock the door to let him in when he returned. My Mum and I agreed on this as she had to be up early this morning for work. She texted my step-dad to inform him. She went to bed between 11.30pm-12am-ish. I waited up for my step-dad. I did all I could to keep myself awake for as long as I could until I finally could barely keep my eyes open at about 4am. I set my phone to ‘loud’ so that I would hear it when my step-dad got in contact and settled down for the night/morning. I was not woken up by my phone going off but rather by my Step-Dad bursting into the room at 12-noon. Telling me he needed the living room back now. I was confused and disgruntled. Later, I discovered he had arrived home at 12.15am, called a number which wasn’t mine once in an attempt to get ahold of me and then called my mum. Neither my mum nor my step-dad informed me that he was back and I ended up sitting up for 3 hours past when I probably should have gone to sleep to let him in EVEN THOUGH HE WAS ALREADY IN THE HOUSE!
Lesson learned: Always put your own well-being ahead of that of others and arrange a way to help them once your own needs are taken care of. Had I gone to sleep and set my phone on loud earlier instead of waiting up for him to come back I would not be so tired today and I would not feel like I want to slap people when they yawn.
Secondary-Piece-Of-Information-Gathered-Which-Reinforces-My-Previous-Belief (LOA WHAAAAT?!): Drinking is stupid. Alcohol is nothing but a problem. When people drink they are inconsiderate and destructive. Alcohol should be used as a disinfectant, pain-killer and/or cleaning product and nothing. Plus, it tastes like shit. Why people drink it, I’ll never know.
Aside from the bitterly comic message contained within this story, I’ve seen once again how putting myself out for others rarely ends well and I am left feeling little but tiredness and frustration at the end of it. There are, of course, various other connotations within this story. The fact that I was a match to such a lack of consideration for one. Though, that could be easily attributed to my own lack of consideration for myself within the same spiral of events. With this experience and many other questions in my life leading me to crafting the ultimate lifestyle, I am keen to learn and grow from everything. I hold no grudges, though forgiveness is not easy for me. And I take no prisoners as I am unafraid of confrontation. With drive, courage, conviction and consideration for myself and others, over the past week, I have been faced with questions like, “Where will you live?” “With whom will you live?” “What will you do day-to-day?” “What will you stand for from people?” “Who do you want in your life and who have you no patience with?” “Who do you want close?” And most importantly, within all of the aforementioned and beyond… “How do you want to feel?”
In conclusion, once again, the tectonic plates of my life are on the move, shifting. I think that should just be a given now though. “Oh, what’s going on in your life, Andey?” “Massive upheaval and change, as ever!! Oh, you know, bit of this… Bit of that… cataclysmic change. Standard.”
This coming month will welcome in my 21st birthday, my move to a new home in London with a great and close friend of mine, the end of personal feuds between those around me, more clients for me to help, the end of the disharmony with my father – however it ends, more learning in different areas of life, the start of planning on workshops and most importantly… Change. Big ass change. Flow. Movement. Woooooohoooo!!
Boom the people! Boom the life! And boom the now!
I love you all!
Live to love, learn and play! ❤