So here I am today, 13 days from my 21st birthday and I’ve not the foggiest on what I’ll do to celebrate. I suppose that’s something I can plan later. Right now, I’m exploring the concept of self-love in relation to compassion and those with child-like emotions. This has been something which has been the facilitator of a lot of confusion, stress and self-neglect for me because having grown up with abandonment and approval (and as a result self-trust) issues to the maximum, I find it difficult to know what really is the most beneficial course of action. As such, today I’m going to lay my understanding down on the internet-table that is this blog and draw my conclusion at the end based on the feelings I’ve had while writing. That said, I am open to alternative perspectives. Please post your thoughts and feelings in the comments/insights section below.

When it comes to emotion, there are people who parent their emotions and work with them to understand them. And then there are those who allow their emotions to run amok like a spoiled child and expect others to pander to their inability to participate in a regular conversation with other humans without getting all wounded, emotionally retreating to the recesses of their mind and then taking their hurt out of everybody around them. It is common knowledge too, I feel, that we are all fully capable of embodying either persona. It’s easier to become the wounded, bleeding-heart sap when what we’ve been triggered by runs a deep route all the way to our childhood trauma. And with our understanding that everybody is always doing the best they can in-tact… Today I’m keen to explore whether how others feel is ever really our responsibility. My initial feeling is no, however I shall explore this further.

When somebody approaches us in conversation and then we say something which – to us – is regular conduct in conversation but they take offence… At what point does self-love enter the equation? If, for example, I am being me and speaking as I do and about what I do then what I say is taken to heart by the other… At this point, I have a choice… Do I enable them, pander to their plea for energy and facilitate the perpetuation of this pattern? Or do stay true to myself and allow them to feel that way? The latter seems to be the more self-loving option, if it feels good.

If somebody is adamant that they are to feel as they feel, who am I to stop them? The infinite being that has incarnated as them has chosen this life with the full knowledge that this experience of theirs may have been a potential. Who am I to stand in the way of expansion? Action through in-action. On top of this, the infinite being that they are and the infinite being that you are is one and the same. So to short-circuit their expansion is to do the same to yours. And while they’re feeling and learning, you could be doing the same. You could be asking questions like, “Why don’t I feel compassionate towards them?” “Why don’t I care?” or “Why do I feel compassionate towards them?” “Why does this matter to me so much?”

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Hah. It seems to be a simple answer. I am not responsible for the happiness of others. Likewise, what others think and feel is none of my business. I’m in my unique singular perspective to experience life from this unique and singular perspective and as such, to limit the flow of authenticity and self-love at any turn is to limit my experience while incarnated here. And so, the answer it seems is – once again – not clear cut. If I feel that my natural response to their reaction is to treat them with compassion, then I shall. As it happens, however, most people who react this way to me aren’t people I hold all that close to my heart. I respect them as human-beings and sometimes we get along but when it comes to them projecting their emotional issues onto me, I’ve very little patience for it. Why? Because their emotional state is not my responsibility. This isn’t to say that I aim to go about my life deliberately upsetting others. If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you’ll know that. However, it does mean that if someone – whom I don’t feel all that close to – is content is misery, they can stay that way if the only way they’re interested in moving out of that state is with my energy.

I imagine this would sound harsh to those locked in my the idea of good, bad, right, wrong, justice, injustice and so on. However, none of those ideas are ones I care for because they are all entirely subjective – each person’s unique perspective impacts the way they view the world and as such to try to please everyone would be exhausting. And I don’t like feeling exhausted. So I’ll be me, I’ll shine bright. I’ll step into my power in these times. I will allow myself to embody ‘the easy-going, courageous, self-expressive one’ which is a part of me long since forgotten. And so, once again, I implore you guys to just be as you are. Allow yourself to do what feels good. If we allow the thoughts and feelings of others to dictate our actions then we will forever be in a cycle of appeasing the external and neglecting the internal.

Embrace that which you are innately. Honour that with you are entirely. And feel what you feel completely.

Namaste

Live to love and play ❤

~A~

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