I lay here tonight and I’ve got massive a blister on the sole of each foot. The blisters are a consequence of my apparently ‘strange’ decision to walk to the nearest shop – which is only around the corner – barefoot. My family acted as if I had gone there with no clothes on at all! It makes me laugh how a slight change of behaviour can cause such a ruckus! I started noticing the real effects of ‘going against the grain’ or ‘upsetting the status quo’ more so the other day when I was in the same shop and mentioned – in relation to ANOTHER front page newspaper story on the poor girl Madeline McCann – that the girl was dead and that the newspapers are just publishing it for money and to distract from something else that’s going on behind the scenes. A local gentleman piped up and said that “If she was your kid, you’d want to know what happened with her.” To which I agreed. Truth be told, if it was my kid I wouldn’t have accepted money in return for her life. Anyway, off of that rather dark and sad subject, in walking to the shop barefoot and after the brief exchange in the shop, I began to notice the effects of really letting myself do those things or say those things that are just there in my mind, ready to happen.
A lot of the times in the past, I wouldn’t even consider going out barefoot and now it seems strange not to consider it on a nice warm day like it was. And a lot of times, I’d never speak up on something in public like I did. Where as now, I’m seeing the benefit. Even if my words are taken in another way than that of my intention, I’m still sparking expansion for those involved and those witnessing it. I am glad to be the catalyst when I have the opportunity.
Aside from all of this “CATALYYSSTTTTT ACTIVAAAATEEE!!!!” stuff, I begun writing this tonight to explore the energetic meaning behind the blisters on my feet and how it pertains to a larger message which is on-going in my life. Blisters are life and your body itself saying, “Slow the fuck down!”
This is especially impactful when I couple it with the message I received from doing some Inner-Saboteur work with Nicky Marshall (from Discover Your Bounce). My inner-saboteur was a harsh looking man of dwarven build with thick, waxy green skin, a long white moustache and hair to match. When I left him that day, before shifting his appearance from that of a hardened saboteur to a soft, kind and wise old man he said to me, “Don’t be afraid to just… be.”
I’ve been light on the details on this blog with regards to what’s actually been happening for me of late, but it suffices to say that pretty much every big and/or traumatic experience in my life has been dragged, kicking and screaming, into the light for me to see in all it’s candid rawness. I have been blessed with wonderful people to help me through what has come up – my girlfriend and confidant Rosa and my loving mother and sisters. Nevertheless, it’s been a whirlwind and I have learned a lot. I won’t lie and tell you it hasn’t affected me, I won’t say it hasn’t changed me somewhat. But then, what is life without change? Nothing. So I’ve grown with it and am still moving through. However, I’ve come to a point now where I know I’m at the end of a chapter in my life – and synchronistically, at the end of a year in it too as we draw close to my 21st birthday on the 15th of this month! – I know that things are about to change in a big way once again. But hey, I may as well have that printed on a bloody dirt-proof t-shirt and wear it every second of my life.
I’m at the edge of a shift in all areas of my life – home life, personal and relationship life, work life, family life – and it feels like things aren’t moving quickly enough! There’s no more I can do than what I’m doing right now to nudge things along and it feels like I’m just sitting here waiting for things to happen! That’s where I come to and then there’s a flush of silence… Phhhhwoooossshhhh… All the sounds drop out… Then there’s me, the inside-the-head-Andey, who hangs around and isn’t always coherent and at times is terribly ambiguous but means well the majority of the time… And I say to myself… “Hey! Andey! Look at you, sitting there waiting for amazing things to happen! How blessed are you!”
And I sit here in my blessing and I feel grateful. Why? Because my job isn’t the “how”. Mine is the why. And the why is a natural place to come to for us humans. And in knowing why we want things, we cultivate the strength of vibration necessary to attract these things. And from there, it’s a question of alignment. It’s a process of the purification of vibrations and the lining ourselves up with these things and standing in receptivity. And that blessing is our readiness to receive. And then we realise, what seek was within us all along.
” What you seek is seeking you.” – Rumi
And so, I know what I am seeking. I know where I am and where I want to be. I see what it will take to get there and I know they the weight I have carried has only hindered my this far. This weight has been let loose and I am feeling the light of hope in my heart. Good things are coming. Just you wait.
I love you.
Love, love and play