I’ve been in a funny sort of state today. The energy from the past weekend has been crazy strong. Getting ill, getting healthy again in time for the full moon, the fact that the full moon was a super moon. All these things have different energetic implications that they bring with them. Now I find myself feeling like, today, I have been in a very low state and I wanting to get out and I’ve been resisting the very state that I was in. Resisting resistance. Imagine that! The truth is, we all do it from time to time. It’s an easy trap to fall into. Over the previous five or so days – and in truth for a while before – there have been a lot of things on my mind which have been causing me emotional suffering. I’ve been feeling frustrated and cantankerous. I’ve been feeling unfulfilled and lost. And I’ve been a bit lost as how to find my way to fix those feelings. That’s the trap you see. Wanting to fix my feelings. Not just allowing them to be, sitting with them, feeling them and letting them change and grow into something new in their own time. Yesterday, I got in a tizzy about the science industry. (Which I will leave on this blog because although it don’t necessarily agree with all of the things I wrote there in hindsight, it was the way I was feeling and it may resonate with some.) Today has been one of those days where things just don’t go as planned. I always ask myself on days like this, “What is it in my vibration that has caused this?” “What is it that I am holding on to that I don’t need to hold on to?” Today, it was resistance itself.
As I said, Today I’ve been resisting resistance. Feeling a certain way as a result of resistance to the way things are in my life at the moment and not having them moving quickly enough. (In a previous blog, I mentioned this feeling I found which is the exalted form of wanting things to move faster. I have since been oscillating between the two feelings.) Once I noticed that I was unhappy with how things are, I started wanting to be happy with how they are. Instead of changing things or looking to how I can find approval for the way things are, I took straight to expecting myself to want to feel better – to feel a way which is nothing more than a memory. I mean, the feeling states we are able to access are what enable us to manifest more of the same. Getting into the state of happiness and knowing what that feels like gives us something to draw on when seeking it again. However, if we are unable to harness the root of the feeling – where it grows from – we are doing nothing more than thinking of a memory. And of course, we cannot go to the past. It’s just a story we tell ourselves. So, all we are doing when we’re resisting our feelings is trying to conjure up a potion with nothing more than a recipe.
So what’s the way out? The way out is the way in and it’s no way out at all. The trick is to allow the way we feel. For some this comes naturally. For some people allowing the way they feel means just lying on a bed for an hour staring into space. For some it means crying, playing music or something else. And for some of us, it’s is a less natural process to fully surrender to our emotions. For those of us who find it more uncomfortable to fully feel the lowest of the lows, it’s a gruelling battle with ourselves to get there. Though, we do get there. Why is it a battle? Because often we don’t even want to feel them. Often the idea of even fully feeling how we feel makes us shed a tear. It becomes a battle when we go on resisting our feelings and it becomes so unpleasant that eventually we give in and surrender entirely. Then we usually break down and cry or just flop on a bed or a sofa and just lay there for a long time. Sometimes hours. And that’s okay. Whatever happens will happen in due course if we are set to align with it. Action through inaction. It’s the Taoist principle of Wu Wei.
So, my friends. I implore you to go with it. However you feel, even if you feel like resisting the resistance. In the end, we’ll come to the same place and begin to feel lighter and lighter. I know that I’ll feel lighter tomorrow. My sister has kindly offered me her bedroom for the night, which means I’ll be getting a good night’s sleep. And tomorrow’s my birthday! Andey’s going to be 21! It’s weird being in a body which is 21. Some parts of me feel infinitely older than any human body could manage to be and some parts of me feel younger than even this body is. It’s a strange thing this human life, it has to be said. Anyway guys, as always good monologuing to you and I’ll write soon!
I love you!
Live, love and play!