After a stark realisation that my newly emerging asthma is highlighting a deeper inability to fully put myself in my present moment experience, and after recovering from a severe asthma attack which has left me shaking and quite weak…

breath-of-lifeWhat are the energetic implications of an asthma attack? What happens during an asthma attack is that the airways and lungs contract and close-up some. These vital parts of the respiratory system become inflamed and restrict the flow of air that is able to be inhaled. The areas of the body that this affects are the heart and throat chakras – the centres of love and expression. And what is air, in this instance? Air is what we need to live, air is the most crucial part of the human experience because it is the thing that we require first and foremost to live. And air is symbolic of love. Without air, we fail to survive and without love we wither and die. As such, what an asthma attack really is, on an energetic level, is a defence mechanism. When the experience of love causes fear then the natural response is to restrict the flow of love. The less love (or air) that moves in, the less love (air) can move out. Likewise, the less love or air that moves out, the less love or air can move in. It’s a resistant process of instinctual limitation which is based on fear.

We all have bad days, off days, anxiety, fear and, be it physically or not, we all have asthma attacks. Even those of us who appear to have ‘got it’ have sleepless nights and from time to time, sleep so badly that we can barely function in the physical world. We all feel the cold, we all sweat in heat, we all shy from pain – whatever we perceive true pain to be – and we all bleed when we are wounded. The message I’m sharing today is one of permission and one of submission to your human experience.

For me – and likely for you, too – it’s so common to expect myself to rise above some of the elements of the human experience. Not in terms of superiority. Not at all. I don’t think myself superior or better than others in any way. But over the years, I have developed this habit of expecting a lot from myself, of pushing myself harder and harder every day. Every day, without realising it, it’s been common for me to be tough with myself. When I say being tough with myself, I don’t mean setting high expectations in the external world and scorning or loathing myself for not meeting them, though that is the case for many. For me, these things manifest in the form of treating myself like an army cadet sometimes. Cruel, cold and regimented in how I treat my emotional wounds. I expect a lot of myself. I expect that I won’t get hurt by the little things that do hurt me. I expect that when I am in my usual mode of hyper-observation and I observe something I don’t like, that it won’t affect me. But, of course, it does. Every time. And then I get angry with myself, I say, “I shouldn’t feel this way. I don’t need to.”

Now, as far as treating others this way, I’m not at all like that. I have a large amount of patience for those around me and for heart-brainMFLtheir feelings. More so than for myself. I would imagine that that patience comes from ignoring my own true feelings though. It’s an odd experience really, because this isn’t the first time I’m learning this lesson. It’s about the fifth or sixth time. It’s the fifth or six layer of this lesson. The first few times, I didn’t get it really. I just kept expecting myself to be more capable, stronger, more resilient. More recently, I manifested someone into my life who told me that I should just “get over it,” she said, “just don’t let it bother you” and that last thing she said to me was, “stop acting like a child, it’s no wonder nobody cares about you.” Something clicked in me when I was thinking back on this, I realised something… I realised that *that* was exactly what I was saying to myself when I was expecting myself to be handling these emotional triggers in a different way. After leaving that rather cruel person behind, I decided on a few more things I wasn’t going to put up with from other humans and that helped me to develop more healthy boundaries. And now, more recently, having removed the emotional trauma from that situation, it has served me again by showing me how I have been treating myself.

In truth, all of this stuff I’m talking about here comes down to boundaries and self-love. It comes down to having a clear idea of what you will and won’t stand for in your encounters with others and it comes down to the same in your relationship with yourself. This is the lesson I’m learning again, this time on such a deep level. When I am hurt, it is not about softening the blow of my pain for others. They are not feeling how I am feeling. I am. This is the lesson for me this time. It’s not about damage-control. It’s about feeling how I’m feeling and if other’s unhappiness is facilitated by that, then so be it. I am not responsible for their happiness.

This is a possible lesson for me to learn because I have learned the previous lesson about unconditional compassion for others. You see, if I had learned this lesson first then it would be likely that I’d become cruel and cold-hearted with others. As such, it’s important that I learned how to speak to others with respect and compassion first so that when it comes to expressing my feelings, I can do so in a way which doesn’t cause them a large amount of emotional discomfort or trauma. Naturally though, if me expressing my feelings in this compassionate manner *still* causes emotional upset for them, then that is nothing I can do anything about. At that point, I’ve done all I can. It would be more detrimental for everyone if I had stifled myself and not expressed my emotions versus expressing my emotional in a controlled and considered way and caused a minor emotional upheaval by doing so. And both are preferable to expressing my emotions in a way that is hurtful to the other.

yin_yang_wave_by_oliecannoligriffard-d5g44kqThis entire lesson is about the yin-yang, the eternal balance of self-love and compassion for others. The first step is to develop compassion for the entire human species, as a species. Then for the individuals, then for ourselves as part of the species. Then it’s about becoming self-loving to the point of being able to say ‘no’ and do things our own way. After that it’s about balancing our actions in a way which enables the highest amount of personal well-being as well as the highest amount of environmental well-being. And after all that, it’s about understanding Karma. Not Karma in terms of the warped non-theist punishment system. Karma in it’s true form, cause and effect.

When we have an understanding of Karma, we see that in whatever we do, there is always a reaction from the universe. To every single word we speak and movement we make, the Everything responds. This is natural and it will do this whatever our choices are. The real law of Karma is not one of some predetermined idea of good and bad or right and wrong. But rather, an unbiased, unlimited flow of cause and effect – action and response. The response from the Everything is determined by vibrational resonance. It’s for this reason that the same choice in the same circumstance made by different people will herald a different response.treeoflife

It’s because of the effect of vibrational resonance on Karmic flow that someone who is living based on destructive self-focusedness will experience negative results when they continue to act in a destructive, self-focused manner. It’s because of the effect of vibrational resonance on Karmic flow that someone who is living based on self-sacrifice and the accidental ignorance of their emotions will experience negative results when they continue to act in a self-sacrificial and emotionally-suppressing manner. And it’s for this same reason that someone who is living based on self-sacrifice and the accidental ignorance of their emotions will experience a more positive life experience when they begin to act in a more self-focused manner. It’s because of this that it’s genuinely impossible to offer across the board advice for everything on one particular subject. It’s different from wherever you are vibrationally and what you’re resonating with. So the way to figure out where to go next, for you, is to work on developing your level of self-trust or working with a coach to help you do that. Once you’ve increased your level of self-trust, you’ll be able to feel your way through your experience effectively.

My lesson for today has been to be kinder to myself, to be marginally more self-focused. From the point I’m at with this learning – having experienced it several times over already – it’s not about making large shifts, as that will cause a greater imbalance. Right now, my lesson is to make smaller shifts which allow larger changes to occur. Today, from where I am, my shift is to give myself a little more leeway when it comes to feeling how I feel. It’s applying, on a deeper level, that which I have been teaching to myself for years… “Everything you feel is 100% valid and 100% justified. You feel the way you feel for a reason.” It’s okay to feel the way I feel and it’s okay to express that to those who care about me, even if it upsets them to hear it.

I hereby vow to be kinder to myself. What is your lesson today?