Is it so terribly naive to believe that everything is, in fact, perfect as it is – without tweaks and changes?
You cannot, try as you might, stop change. You simply cannot. You will not. No-one ever will. It literally cannot be done. You cannot change the flow of life. You cannot change the change. Yes, you’re creating it and your vibration directly affects the flow of life, causing it to be what it is… But once events are set in motion, trying to change them is a futile attempt to battle reality with a blunt sword and a wooden shield, taped together with wire tape. That’s not even the right kind of tape. That’s madness. And it’s messy and frustrating, at best. Change will always happen. You will always be presented with an opportunity to grow. You don’t have to force it. When it actually needs to happen, you will be presented with a shit-load of unpleasant experiences. That’s how you know it’s time for something to change. All you need to do is keep your eye out for it and let go of the fear to do what it takes. (And that’s just a case of willpower and courage in the moment – no magic recipe for that. It just takes guts).
The balance point is… You’re just chillin’ out in your life and your realise that you want something but you can’t get it for some reason. You want it and you try, try, try and it just doesn’t happen. At that point, in the past, I’ve sat down and I’ve said, ‘Right, let’s shadow work this. Let’s figure out why. Let’s get to the core of why this won’t happen for me.’ Then I just got pissed off.
Once you have developed a spiritual outlook, it’s impossible to switch it off. You can, however, opt into a spiritual break. Now, for many of us shadow working and questioning ourselves is beneficial. It’s all about where we are on our personal journey. (and the personal spiritual journey is impossible to gauge against another person’s spiritual journey. So don’t even try. It’s not worth it.). And from wherever we are, what is of value to us – what benefits us – differs. For me personally, I’ve spent so long questioning myself, trying to find the answers to my problems, tweaking and changing things in how I interface with reality. In a conversation with my partner, Rosa, the other day, it was presented to me that the most beneficial thing for me to do right now is to stop questioning myself. To stop trying to analyse everything – every thought I have, everything feeling I have.
There was a point, earlier in my life, when it was transcendental. I was like, “Hey! Guess what, Andey?! You’re not your thoughts! Guess what, your feelings are a response to your environment which is based on learned patterns that you picked up when you were younger! Guess what, the way you respond to your environment directly affects your reality!” But then, that sort of a mindset can easily develop into an over-analytical relationship with oneself. It can easily develop into a habit of over-complicating things which don’t actually need to be very complicated at all. That sort of behaviour is present for so many of us and it’s become a sort of ‘spiritual showing off’. In a lot of spiritual communities, it’s become a sort of “Oh, look at me, how wondrous I am, I can answer all your questions. Look at me, I’m brilliant.” It’s in danger of becoming more about showing others how brilliant we are, rather than actually helping those in need of it. And even then, many of us seek help or call out to others when we don’t really need them. We just like the enabling of our developed over-analytical patterns.
The truth is, yeah, you are brilliant. I am brilliant. Fucking brilliant. And I don’t need to prove that to myself, or anyone else. I know it’s true. I only speak for myself on that because I’ve reached a point now where it doesn’t matter to me, really. And for a long time it did. And you know what? There was nothing wrong with that either. What it comes down to is that if we truly believe that we’re brilliant, we wouldn’t need to prove it to ourselves or others.
For me, my whole life, I have been questioning myself. I was brought up on it. From the earliest point I can remember, my Dad was always asking me, ‘Why do you feel that way? Why do you think that? Why did you do that? When that happens, how does that make you feel? How do you think others feel about this?’ He was always teaching me to question everything. And yes, that’s good… To a point. It was beneficial, at that stage.
That moment in your life where you’re sitting there and suddenly, you start to question things yourself. Suddenly, you find answers. But then, over time, what happens is… You don’t find answers any more. Because you’ve got all the answers you can get from just asking questions. You cannot learn any more from that level of consciousness, from asking those questions, from doing those things, from diving that deep… (Of course, nobody could ever have all the answers, otherwise there’d be no point in everyone else). In that state of constant questioning, you can’t get more answers because you just become stagnant. You hit a point when you’re just like… ‘This is me.’ And that’s it. It’s just like white noise then… Like a sort of nothing-sound… Like ‘BUUUUHHHH’. Nothing new happens. You just loop. You loop and loop and loop… Until, eventually, you realise that you’ve been looping for quite a while. And the reason you were looping in the first place was because you thought that doing what you were doing was the way that you would stop yourself spinning in the same old loop.
In reality, the thing that’s keeping you in the loop is the fact that you keep doing the same thing. As they say, you’ve got to do something new to get something new. So, I started telling myself, ‘Do something new, Andey. Do something new.’ So… this is what I’m doing…
I’m stepping out of the stagnant mundanity of the every day looping cycle and into the TARDIS. Into the TARDIS to go somewhere new, to see something new, to be something new.
How do you do that?
You don’t try… You don’t go out there into the world and try something, or do something, or see something… or even BE someone or something. You just stop fucking around. You just, quite simply, stop doing the same old shit that you’ve been doing for so long. Naturally, these things have been ingrained in your patterns. That’s why we call them patterns. If you want something new, you have to do something new. The most significant part of doing something new, is ceasing in doing something old. And the most significant part of that is the use of two very common words… ‘Fuck’ and ‘it’. Put together to create one almighty powerful phrase… ‘Fuck it!’ Quite simple, really, when you think about it!
So, I hereby swear off of shadow work for the foreseeable future.
Thanks for reading. I like to write so it makes me happy that you read it. Fanks you lovely thing.
Live, love, play and you know what… just… just be fuckin’ awesome.