Monday, 18:52 local time

The sun is fading fast and I’m enjoying the dusk-light. Apparently they discontinued the WIFI service here in the airport because of how slow it was. I saw told that the amount of people complaining about the internet speed (or lack thereof) was much higher than the amount of people complaining about there being no internet at all. It’s understandable but it’s a shame. I guess I’ll wait a little longer to chat with Rosa. I can do without watching YouTube videos as it’ll encourage me to develop a more sustainable and balanced sense of adventure – from inside me as opposed to from some external source. It is a shame that I won’t be able to send Rosa a message though, just to let her know that I’m in her country and that everything is okay. I know that she’ll assume I’m okay and that everything is running smoothly but I don’t want her to miss me. I do miss talking to her. It’s been weird not having any contact for the entire time I’ve been traveling. We’ve usually at least sent a message to each other by now. Hopefully I’ll be able to IM her at the next airport… Or maybe I’ll speak to her next when I see her?! Who knows?!

I still can’t believe that I’m actually going to see her… Like actually. In the skin and everything… Ahhh… It’s still crazy to believe that I’m here in another country on my own pursuing a nine month long internet romance. My, how I’ve grown and changed so! Crazy! It’s funny, as well, that although Rosa and I have had a lot of support, there were times when we were faced with the exact opposite of that. In certain moments, it felt like nobody believed in us or what we were doing. It seemed like no-one was talking us seriously. In truth there were times when it felt like it was us against the world. But now that it’s happening, all the people that matter -even those who maybe once doubted us- have changed their tune and have done all they can to ensure that this is the best that it can be. I’m glad about that.

Being on the move and being in the heat has done wonders for my eczema and asthma. I feel healthier already! Still though, it’s weird that I’m in another country. Even though, in so many ways, it’s so different, I can’t help but feel at home here. Maybe it’s the touristy-holidaying vibe hanging around in the air… But I am already starting to feel like I belong here. It could just be Cancun and, like I said, the touristy vibe… I’ll see if I feel the same when I get to Mexico City!

Monday, 19:41 local time

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A little snap of me feeling all confident in the departures lounge.

I’ve checked in and I am now in the departures lounge. I’m feeling more like a pro at this with every hurdle. I feel like, because I’ve done it all once now, it all seems so easy and simple. It’s so much less scary this time. Going through security was an absolute breeze. Maybe it’s because the worst case scenario I had in my mind actually happened and it really wasn’t that bad at all. I’m not even worried about the fact that I’ve gotta pick up my luggage and check it in again on the other end. I’ve done that bit twice now. Easy. And I’ve seen how not entirely scary the sort-of scary idea that was circling my head was in reality. By which I mean: customs; not speaking the language and so on.

I might even go as far as to say that… I’m… having… fun! Hah! I didn’t expect to be writing that… A message to myself for about five days ago: “Be prepared to ask the questions you need the answers to and remember that after you’ve done it once it will feel proper simple and smooth.” Take heed!

So! Now it’s about 19:49, I’m supposed to be boarding at about 21:55 to a 22:40 take off… Plenty of time to chill out. Though, won’t chill out too much in case I fall asleep and wake up with no rucksack. Actually, this pen is getting a tad worn… I might go on a quest… A quest for the holy pen of new! A new pen. I’ll get a new pen.

Monday, 20:03 local time

I’m back on my bum with a new pen! That killed all of about… what… 15 minutes?! Oh sweet and tender baby Jesus in a manger… Brown rice give me strength! Exhale. I found some of this water called ‘zoe’ which intrigued me. It’s got a high PH and is ionised. Sounds impressive… I don’t really know about that sort of stuff though. What I was more concern with was the fact that this bottle of water – even when it was full – was like half the weight of the other bottles of water! Insane! Good news when you’re flying with bags with a maximum weight limitation!

My right ear seems to have just about recovered now. That’s a relief. Hopefully it won’t get upset again when we next take off! Maybe three planes one after the other isn’t a good idea when it comes to ears. Is it a good idea anyway? I don’t know! Hah! Oh well!

In other news, this lovely old Mexican lady thought I was French. She couldn’t actually speak anything English (or French) though. Bless her heart. She was one of the people that stands outside the airport here for hours on end going, “taxi for you?” in broken English. The people just ignore her though, as if she’s not there… They just keep walking. I feel a bit bad for her and the others. Since arriving her, I’ve been approached by like four or five different taxi people, not once did I just ignore them. They’re still human after all. I feel like they should be treated as such. Or maybe I’m just outrageously friendly! Possibly that. I can’t imagine Rosa just ignoring another human like that though… Regardless of their chosen profession!

Or maybe she would! That’s the thing about this whole escapade! We know each other so well, yet in so many ways we don’t know each other at all! How someone is when you’ve got their full and undivided attention is really only a tiny part of who they are overall. Nevertheless, I am confident that I’ll love her all the same.

It’s weird really… About twelve-fifteen hours from now, I’ll be with Rosa. Although there’ll still be a world to know about each other, the whole “what will it be like when we’re together” part will be a mystery beginning to fade. Impressively daunting to be honest. My Mum made me laugh (and cringe) when she said – before I left – that soon I’d be having the best sex ever (or perhaps the shortest, given how long it’s been since we committed to each other). Though, at risk of giving you cause to picture things best left as passing notions, I wanna write something I’ve been meaning to write since leaving Gatwick. For some reason I was unable to find the words until now.

My Mum told me, while we were on our way to the airport, that driving me there was possibly one of the hardest things she’s ever had to do as a mother. If not the hardest thing. And seeing her in tears as I said goodbye for now and headed to face my first ever airport security check – and beyond the biggest adventure of my life – my heart and mind was all over the place. Dragged into the present moment by the demands of a something I’ve never done before, my mind was one part worries and fears. Another part was occupied with my – now mostly resting – fears about flying and venturing into another country alone. And then, of course, a big part of my heart and mind was with my Mum and sisters and my soon-to-be-four-years-old little brother, Alfie. All people whom I absolutely adore and have been living again with for the larger part of the last year. And although I’ve found the words to write this now, I certainly am not without thoughts of them in my mind. Having dispelled the more pressing issues in my mind, I’ve had more mind-space to process my feelings now.

The love and support of my family is something I’ve already noted here, but it does go without saying that the magnitude of love I have for them is something gargantuan. Mum, Beth, Nyah, Lys and Alfie have all had a tremendous impact on me in the past ten/eleven months in which I’ve been back with them.And that became so apparent for me when I was saying my ‘byes to them. First to Alf, then to the girls and finally to Mum. They are all such special people who really deserve the best in life and from others. I hope that everybody who meets them and is blessed with the honour of being around them does their utmost to treat them with the massive love and respect they deserve. These are people who may not have always had it easy but have never just rolled over and taken it. They always do the best for themselves and each other and I have so much respect for that. They are genuinely kind-hearted and loving people. We may not always see eye-to-eye but I love them with all of me.

Deep breath.

And exhale.

Sitting here now, waiting for my flight to be ready for me to sit in it… I’ve had so many ideas run through my mind. Some of semantics and technicalities. Some reminders to check the departures board after writing every other sentence. Some thoughts of money and food and… what’s funny is that none is so profound as what I feel… I feel a growing excitement, unhindered more so through every hurdle. A strange new sense of home while forgetting where I am. And most of all, love… True love, waiting to transpire while always being all around me all at one. All the time, not at all and only sometimes.

I will need to walk around in a minute to keep myself awake for enough to process actual cohesive cognitive function… It’s on the decline, I think… Before I do though, I think I’ve got enough steam left to write this… I wanted to share another thought…

The thing that amazed, surprised and pleased me the most when I let mind begin to wander was that even though I’m eleven hour away from England, there’s not a thumping load of a difference here… Sure, the people are a bit different and the language still sounds like babbling reel of sounds to me for the most part but there really isn’t that much of a difference between us all. That’s one take-away truth I didn’t expect. I mean, it’s obviously true anyway. We’re all human and when it comes down to it, we’re not different from animals or fish or flies or moss. We’re all alive with the same life-force energy flowing through us. And yeah, I guess it’s easy to just come out and say that. Most “spiritual” people do.

But if you go somewhere which you’d assume is different – and in fact is built-up to seem that way – you’ll find that we’re not all that different at all. And you’ll notice that all the fundamental realities are still very much alive and well for all of us. Worries, struggles, pains and pleasures, fun, joy, amusement or a lack thereof, shops, jobs, truths, lies… it’s all the same. We literally are all the same no matter which part of this big rock we live on.

No question.

Check back soon for Volume 4 wherein I finally manage to hunt down an internet connection, fight with the urge to sleep and almost miss my final flight!

Keep it real,

Namaste,

Live, love and play

-A-

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