You know what weird sort of defensive feeling you get when you’re talking to a Christian or someone who’s all religious like that and they start telling you about their religion and about how much you’d like it, if you’re lucky. Or, if you’re not so lucky, about how wrong you are for living the sinful life of not believing exactly what they believe? lolaI don’t think that it’s just a religious person who invokes that feeling in people. People with a scientific belief structure cause it too. And also, yeah, people who are into spirituality and magic as well. In fact, it’s odd and a little bit embarrassing to think that maybe in the past, I had that effect on some people. I hate to think about it. Makes me feel all cringy and sort of sorry for being that way. But I try not to be now, so that’s something I suppose.

As I’m laying here now at just gone midnight, I’m in bed and – aside from the whirring of sirens, which sound far too much like air-raid sirens for my liking, in the background – the room is all but silent. It’s a beautiful silence. The type that it feels like a crime to fill.

033596adb855257f0fbf6d38680926e1Yet, it’s a curious thing… The pervasiveness of sound and the space of silence. Does silence ever really go away? Or does it just get covered up? Does space ever really leave? Or does it just get filled? All the while, remaining there as the space that makes the filling even possible..? Seems like a “no they don’t go anywhere” to me. But as soon as I start telling you that “no” is the answer to those questions then it becomes intrusive of your own personal journey to a degree. Plus, it’s just information that would only disrupt the flow that’s guiding your life… So why bother?

Why indeed? A question so rarely asked and still we’ve got it the world over. This sort of… Pushing… Push push “here’s my idea”… Push push “here’s my world-view”… It’s something I’ve been tumbling around with for a while now; something I’m trying to find a home for within my own world-view – however temporary and susceptible to overhaul through change it may be. You’ll probably notice a theme emerging in my posts lately. And because this blog is mostly me voicing what’s going on in my head as I write it – as are most blogs, I’d imagine? – there are threads which run common through most of the posts. My presence being one!

Like the silence that is the vessel for the sirens; and like the sirens themselves… This pervasive sense of decided superiority we all seem to have at one point or another during our lives strikes me as being brought into existence by this odd assumption we’ve made that (just because “Me” is this one and “You” is that one), we are actually fundamentally different. I suppose it’s due to the superficial nature of the research we’ve done on the subject before we decide on the notions. I suppose it’s because we just trust that everybody else seems to sort of get it and well, if they think that’s how it is then that must be the case..? Lots of assumptions.

Weird though that this trust in everybody else has inadvertently encouraged us to become invested in the idea that this one is “me” and that one is “you”. And that idea has indirectly been a causal factor in “me” thinking “my ideas” are better than “yours” and “you” thinking “your ideas” are better than “mine”. (So many speech marks). Not to say that’s exactly the case right now. But odd how that innocent and beautiful trust in mum and dad opened the pathway to trust more in “me” than anyone else to the point where I must be right because I have to be and that’s that. That’s a little oversimplified but you understand where I’m coming from.817409ffc452d40cc33a0543049fcdf3

So curious that the investment in the idea that the siren and the silence are separate things has led us to prefer one and scorn the other. What is that contrarian impulse about? When someone says one thing and we just jump to the defence of the other? Is it that same need for slash addiction to being right/clever/superior? Is it just some weird twisted up survival instinct we’ve got left over from being different sorts of humans in the past? Ooooor is it that the human mind is a thing of habit and we’re so comfortable with being rigid, ritualistic and dogmatic that it’s just… Easier and more simple for us to carry on that way? I think it’s that one but I don’t know… And sometimes, I really like not knowing. It’s tremendously liberating when I can stop fighting through things with that incessant urge to grasp a single solid truth and lick it with yeasty saliva until it yields and dissolves on my tongue… Like a great mystical cow licking a giant out of ice only to lead it to its death… Except when I do it, I won’t create a world. Unless it’s like… A fictional one based on nothing.

Okay I’m getting tired now. It’s time for bed I think!

Before I go, I wanna just tell you about a new project I’m involved in. I’ve been asked to be one of a bunch of people talking about fearlessness in a panel of experts. Exciting, eh? Yeah! I know! I’m not sure when it’ll be released but I’ll keep you guys posted, so watch this space!

Anyway! Thanks for being here! Big hugs!

Keep it real!

Live, love and play!

Andey x

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