In the last post I wrote, I talked about change; about this incessant and largely impractical tendency to try and force change when, in reality, it’s actually already happening. The thing with that being that if we’re trying to force new change without acknowledging the change that’s already taking place then, in effect, we not utilising all the available “change energy” and are actually just causing minor disturbances rather than lasting change. The difference between harnessing the needs of your body and eating mindfully and ‘going on a diet’ to lose weight only to restrict and deprive yourself and just get fat again afterwards. In reflecting a little more on this topic, I find myself in a curious place.

As the heavy and rather hard-to-see-through fog of the last week is lifting somewhat, a much needed and much appreciated clarity is dawning. Not a clarity on any one thing in particular as much as a general clear-headedness that means I can understand the difficulties I’m having much more as well as enjoy the more pleasant things much more. After being almost consumed by old patterns from earlier in my life, the breath of fresh air that this clarity has afforded me is totally appreciated.

Often I find that when I come through a tough time, I benefit hugely from taking on new information. And one thing that’s been a hobby of mine after rough patches for a number of years is watching documentaries. Usually, it’s documentaries which are totally unrelated to anything that’s going on in my life at the time but instead, documentaries which are based around a subject matter which is intriguing and as yet unexplored in my life. Kogi

When a close friend of mine died years back, part of my grieving process was to watch a bunch of documentaries. Most of them were to completely insane ideas largely instigated by Zecharia Sitchen and his Earth Chronicles books – ideas about humans being a slave species made by aliens to mine gold or something. An idea which I’ve since decided is far too humanised to be true. I’ll go into that another time. There was one documentary that stuck with me from that time though. It was about the Kogi tribe and their message for us, the “Younger Brother” as they call us. That really stuck with me for years and years. And even today, I remember it as vividly as if I watched it only yesterday.

This time, in working through this weird patch of my inner-world, I’ve turned to documentaries once more. And the subject this time? The Wild West of all things. What business do I have watching that stuff, eh? Little English LDR runaway like me looking at the U.S.A’s cultural history. I tell you what, though, there is something so captivating about these stories. Like so many people before me, in recent days I’ve found myself entranced by these tales of scandal, daring escapes, risky gunfights and the sand-coloured line between law and lawlessness. There is just something so alluring about the raw humanness of it all; about the rising of leadership in the midst of the anarchy that seemed to be all but drooling at the prospect of itself ensuing; about one or several men standing up against tyranny and injustice and against all off prevailing only to ride off into the night with more injustice tailing close behind breathing the words of being a wanted man with this wispy, ever-weakening voice. A voice so tired that it was easily ignored in the face of opportunity…

Wyatt Earp, 1929

Wyatt Earp, Billy The Kid, Jesse James… These were not names I grew up with in same-room-earshot. Growing up in England, I heard about Hitler and the IRA in my history classes whereas in the U.S, I’d imagine my lessons might have touched a little more of these icons and symbol of America’s relationship with freedom and tyranny. They probably would’ve gone into the whole Hitler thing too – it was, after all, a huge and traumatic chapter in humanities history. And one that we would all do well to learn from. That said, my disappointment after taking GCSE History to find out I’d just be studying Hitler and the IRA and not Old Celtic traditions was something I would hope was displayed abundantly on my face at the time. With that in mind, it’s possible that these things wouldn’t be taught in schools in the U.S. of A. Did you go to school in the U.S.A? Tell me in the comments below whether you learned about the Old West legends in history class?

In my researching of these figures, one stood out as certainly less of a favourite for me. Buffalo Bill. I don’t know whether it was because he was pitted against the native people of America and had a huge part in generating a demonised view of these people in the eyes of the regular folk at the time – not the only hand though mind you, the Native Americans certainly did their share of tarnishing of their own name, it seems. Though, there was a point where they cut their losses and tried to just not be wiped out by the relentless violence of the colonists. I don’t know whether it was the fact that he was neither a true hero nor a true showman, but something grey and ambiguous in between… But it’s safe to say that without Buffalo Bill, these stories possibly would’ve been forgotten in time and it was perhaps his doing that kept the interest in the Old Western tales years down the line. I don’t know if that’s the case. I’m guessing, of course.

What I can say on this is that whether it’s the twisted wrong-place-wrong-time heart and story of Billy The Kid or the heartbreak and heartache revenge tale of Wyatt Earp… There is something not just American about these stories… But something so honestly human about them. I feel as though it’s that which has brought me some relief and a generous load of curiosity in my exploration of these stories.

Much less than a distraction, this exploration of new terrain and into areas of my own psyche I’ve yet to fully venture is something I feel is genuinely integral to forever remaining as well-rounded and balanced as possible. I’ll admit, sometimes I don’t want that. Sometimes I just wanna be the grumpiest person in the world and roll about in my frustration at how stupid most things in life can seem – and indeed are. In fact, most times I don’t watch these documentaries – or go into most bouts of research with personal development and/or growth in mind. Sometimes, I just… You know… Do it ’cause I wanna. Which, like rolling about with a teenage angst about how stupid the world is, is absolutely fine for the time it needs to be that way.

It’s a real relief to be able to breathe cleaner air again now that the storm has passed a bit. Though, the full moon does tend to bring its own stuff along when it comes – and that’s only around the corner now. So we’ll see what’s next! Regardless, I’m grateful for the respite, however long it lasts. And I’m grateful for the coolness of the Old West – which from where I’m at right now is more north than anything… Hah.

Speaking of change and climbing out of ruts, I recently made a video for my more spiritual YouTube channel. That’s something I’ve not done for literally ages. The last one I made and actually uploaded was way back in January I think – and we were in England at the time! So it’s long since due, I reckon! The video is uploading now and will hopefully be up some time later today. If you’re keen to see it, you can go ahead and subscribe to my spiritual YouTube channel by clicking here. It’s due a revamp but that’ll come in time. Long list of things to get done in the coming months and as each day passes, that list grows. So, bear with me. The topic of the new video that’s coming follows the suit of these last few posts, it’s all about change and I hope you find something of value in it.

Big hugs,

Keep it real,

Live, love and play!

Andey x