When asked who will be able to change the world, the Dalai Lama answered, “the world will be saved by western women.” Surely not women like Hillary Clinton. But women who have connected with what it actually means to be a woman – rather than women to who have embodied enough masculinity to survive in a male dominated field (such as politics).
I’d take Lammy-D’s statement and raise him “the world will be changed by western mothers.” But hang on, ’cause I’m not just doing a shout out for mothers. I mean, I love my mum to bits but stay with me here. Because what I see is that the most effective resource for making a real difference in ourselves – and by extension, the world – in pain.
If we have pain, then we have the raw materials to create immense strength. It’s like the mineral ore you got out of the rocks that time when you were definitely a miner. (Because, we’re all miners at heart). When you have the raw ore, you’ve gotta do something with it before it’s actually useful. You need tools to turn ore into ingots.
You need tools to turn pain into strength.
The tools needed vary from person to person. Traditional psychology is one tool – the pickaxe, let’s say. Traditional psychology gets it out of the rock and onto the ground. Then, maybe some NLP techniques or some Buddhist-esque insights are the next tool. We can call those the shovel. They get the ore from the floor into your cart. The cart being your determination – the will to make the change.
Then you arrive at the smelter with your raw pain. You shovel the ore into the smelter (your process) and you set some coal (Consideration/mindfulness/empathy/understanding) ablaze. With the fire from the coal (compassion), you heat the furnace and begin the transformation (your process). And what comes out at the end is true strength. Solid and true. Yes I’m thinking about Skyrim with this metaphor. What of it?
If pain is the ultimate resource for strength, who’s got the most? Why the western mother, that’s who! And I hope that any mothers reading this will find themselves brave enough to admit that what I’m about to say directly references you. Or that you will remain comfortably seated in the idea that you’re the exception and thus enjoy this blog post as an exciting romp through Andey’s mind and nothing more. Either way, you’ll find that western mothers have just about the most pain inside them in the entirety of our society.
The pain of seeing their little ball of love grow up (regular mum stuff), the pain of not feeling good enough (regular human stuff), the pain of losing love and relationships (usually the case in the modern world with our modern way of doing love and relationships), the pain of being super anxious or controlling (usually one or the other, though both tend to feed each other), the pain of the loss of youth and beauty as you age (regular woman stuff because society says that you’re only valuable or worthy of love as long as you can excite sexual arousal in other humans – I know, it’s insane. I’m just making observations here. Don’t shoot the messenger. Don’t shoot the message either. It’s good paper. At least scribble over the words and use the other side for something that doesn’t cause a regressive emotional reaction where you act out your own pain).
What I’m saying, jokes aside, is that if the mothers in our modern society were able to face their pain for long enough to turn it into strength then we’d have a bunch of crazy strong determined xena-esque warrior women who would get shit done.
If we could all just get outside of ourselves for long enough to sort shit out, we’d notice that the pain we feel isn’t unique to us. It’s pain. Not “my pain” or “your pain”. It’s just “pain” and everyone feels that. Even animals feel that. And it’s the same in everyone. And if we were to actually get outside of ourselves for long enough to really see that the same pain in our heart is the same in everyone else’s then something would change in us. If we felt that – and I mean, truly felt it – we would really know what compassion feels like. And then the world would have to change. Because… Well when a strong, determined woman wants something… Watch out.
Props to women and mum’s everywhere. You’re awesome. Even if you’re still holding onto that pain, you’re awesome. So many of us are holding onto our pain still. It’s pretty normal, that. Loads of us aren’t quite ready to let go yet. Just know that when you do, you’ll move mountains. Or, give the mountain the silent treatment until it comes to you…
Keep it real,
Live, love and play.