Here’s why I stopped writing…

Whenever I click onto my blog’s homepage, I’m always astounded by how long its been since I actually wrote anything for it. When I used to write here more regularly, a lot of my time was spent thinking about spirituality, religion and other philosophical things. It was actually pretty much all I thought about, all I did, and all I talked about with the people around me.

Thinking and talking about it so much meant that I always had a lot to say when it came to writing – and that a lot of what I was writing was well practiced too. The number of times I wrote things up on here which were essentially tidied up versions of little rants I’d gone on in conversation with Rosa or my someone else I was talking to that day/week.

Through all the changes in mindset I’ve been through lately, agnostic atheism being a huge part of that, I’ve found myself with considerably less to opine. I actually speak less on a daily basis too, I think. More inclined to silently read, listen or watch. That’s part of why I’ve been posting less.

Another part of it, I think, is that when the spiritual grandstanding went, my belief that I had anything to say that was inherently of any great value went too. Not to say that I lack self-belief or self-confidence now… More so that I just started to recognise the very conditional, subjective importance of my opinions and of my insights as and when they came.

And, where before my inflated sense of spiritual self-importance would have my fingers tapping away rendering my latest revelation into honed “truth” for all nine of my silent readers, now I just think or say something to the tune of ‘that was good, wasn’t it?’ and just continue with my day.

I’ve also become acutely aware of the case-by-case relevance of insight. You know when you’re scrolling through Facebook and you see one of these inspirational quotes meant to make the person who shared it feel better about one or more of their insecurities? That same quote, more often than not, is like the absolute worst advice in the world for someone in a different place in their life. Look out for it, you’ll see what I mean. When the context is different, what could be great advice for one person becomes terrible advice for another.

I haven’t really been in the business of advice on here for a while though. For the longest time, I’ve just written about episodes of my life or things I’ve been dealing with or thinking about from a somewhat detached state of mind and a splash of humour. Who doesn’t like a good story that they can get something from, told with a splash of humour, eh?

The two biggest reasons I’ve not been writing that much for this blog though are the following:

a) I realised how vacuous our modern opinion culture is and I started to crave something more.

b) I’ve had my focus elsewhere.

Let’s go over those one by one.

Numero A. I started to get wound up and deflated all at once when I scrolled through Facebook on my phone, so I deleted it and decided I’d only go on it while I was on my laptop. I did that for about three months or so. I started using Twitter a lot more heavily in that time. Started a few debates, wound up a few highly ‘faithful’ people. Was good fun.

I quickly began to recognise that probably more than an ‘offense culture’, we’ve sort of created for ourselves this kind of ‘opinion culture’ where everyone thinks that what they think actually matters and then they go on the internet and tell everyone and expect the world to give a shit. And then act like they’re the dog’s bollocks when they get fifty retweets and someone lots of people know by name because they’re good at pretending to be other people liked it on a whim. Out of this sentiment arose thoughts like “nobody cares what you ate for breakfast. It looks like cow sick.” and “Oh, just fuck off, will you.”

So something needed to change. I started to dial my presence on the internet waaaay back. I spent more time on Instagram than anywhere else, because it’s just pictures so there’s a lot less to hang around in your head when you close the app. That leads me to the second thing.

Number B. Once I wasn’t using social media quite so much, I had a lot more time on my hands. I had more time for my work as a video game composer and have also recently branched out in sound design for video games too. But that wasn’t enough. I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t take too much on and then forget about some things. So, I started a podcast with my wife. We called it AnyThought and discussed a whole bunch of things in the three episodes we made. We will make more at some point but things are busy for us both at the moment.

And most recently, I started a new project. It’s like electronic rock meets psytrance meets art rock meets dystopian giving up on everything and living under corrugated iron in a damp alleyway with a Moog. It won’t be for everyone but if you like Radiohead, Muse and Massive Attack, then I reckon you’ll enjoy it at least a bit. It’s called Fluster and you can listen to everything I’ve put out on YouTube here.

And with all of those things on the go, I just haven’t really had any thoughts I thought warranted writing up for the blog. But I know you don’t mind. I don’t mind. Really, it means that when I write, I do it because I really really want to, not because I feel like I should. And that way, you get something much more worth reading and not some half-baked post obviously unobviously plugging all my other projects.

Lol. I hope you’ll check out my other projects anyway though and that, if you like them then you’ll be vocal about your appreciation, maybe share things about and tell your friends – that kind of thing. I’d be super grateful for that. I’ve spent a lot of time on all the stuff I’ve been doing and a lot of blood, sweat and tears have gone into it all. That and a shit load of love too. So, if the desire so arrests you, please do me a solid and share my stuff out. And if you want to get in touch, tweet at me. It’ll be cool to hear from you.

If not, thanks for reading. You’re the best.

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